Focus

I'm not very good at focusing. I don't think I ever have been. Actually, I guess if I'm really honest with myself, when I'm working on something specific I can focus on that one thing just fine. I'm really good at that, as a matter of fact. For a little while. The problem is that my focus doesn't seem to encompass the bigger picture so I jump from project to project, job to job, friend to friend, place to place, etc. working on each one with intense attention for about 5 minutes before I move on to the next one. I'm always looking for the next new thing to learn about & discover & puzzle over.

The result is that my life seems to be an accumulation of short-lived flights of fancy with no real direction or aim to guide me. That was alright for awhile. And it's been fun. But I'm realizing as time passes that I'm not able to accomplish anything really big or important this way. I can't get really good at anything, or turn out any really great piece of work, or create any really strong bonds with anyone, or even develop a strong sense of personal integrity if I'm always just buzzing all over the place. I have so many hobbies and interests, but if I'm actually going to perfect any one of them or be successful at any particular thing, I need to choose what I want to focus on and really work on it.

Here are the things I've narrowed it down to right now: Writing, Drawing, Crafting things, or focusing on School/Career goals (since I'm about to start taking grad school classes in the Fall). These are the things that I mostly find myself spending time on and thinking about. I'd like to be able to decide what really feeds my soul and start putting more routine, regular energy into that rather than letting it happen in fits & starts the way I usually do things. The goal is to create a more steady stream of satisfaction and an accumulation of completed works to help me identify what's really important to me and what I'm really good at.

My plan is to spend at least 15 minutes a day on at least one of the above-mentioned categories. I'll keep at them. I'll find out which thing gives me the most satisfaction, and which thing better remain in the margins. I also plan to use the old standby's: Yoga and Meditation to help guide this little endeavor. Balance, baby! No more flitting about uselessly. I want to move with a purpose and create something wonderful along the way. If I have no identified goal for my life I find myself trying on all these different hats and just spinning my wheels, feeling all wobbly and out of balance. But how do I expect to achieve balance in my life if I don't even know what the focus of my life is? It's a 'which came first? The chicken or the egg' kind of question. This is what I'll be exploring for the next couple of weeks, at least.

Books to Accompany This Post: Hardcore Zen by Brad Warner, The Artist in The Office by Summer Pierre
Office Time Wasted: Not much. It's been a busy week! I've been forced to do this on my own time.